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Writing

After graduating from Georgetown in 2004 with a spectacularly unprofitable degree in political science, I moved to New York with the highly original idea of “becoming a writer.” I was promptly rejected from a job at Bath & Body Works. Seriously. Shortly thereafter, I convinced an editor at the Manhattan newspaper AM New York to begin running my weekly dating columns, which I wrote until Spring 2007, at which point I started as Time Out New York’s dating columnist (I get around). I stayed there until 2009.

Along the way, I have written for Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Newsweek, New York magazine, The Guardian UK, The Huffington Post, Nerve, Page Six magazine, Marie Claire UK, Teen Vogue, Seventeen, Capitol File, Michigan Avenue, Men’s Health (and a monthly dating column in COED magazine for two years, from 2004-2006).

In 2010 I signed a deal with Tribune Media Services in Chicago, and my internationally syndicated technology and social media column, “Social Studies,” debuted in 2011. It ran in newspapers around the world, including the Chicago Tribune, Florida’s City Link, The Telegraph in Calcutta India, The Korea Herald, and many others.

In November of 2011, I signed on as a contributor to ELLE.com to write a dating column called Guinea Pig of Love, in which I go around trying to find out why the hell I can’t have a healthy relationship. It’s fun! You should read it.

In the meantime, check out a few of my published articles from the last decade below …

(One caveat: I’m currently in the process of uploading all of my writing from the past three years, including my ELLE columns and my Tribune Media Social Studies tech columns, as well as a few other stragglers. I know, I know, you’re waiting with bated breath.)


DIVERSIFY YOUR PORTFOLIO IN THE MARKET OF MEN



DIVERSIFY YOUR PORTFOLIO IN THE MARKET OF MEN
TIME OUT NEW YORK
OCTOBER 18-24, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

Every woman has a psycho girlfriend within. If lucky, she only emerges every 28 days, or when you’re feeling needy, like, when he doesn’t e-mail or text you for four hours.

But the psycho can come out before you’re even, well, anyone’s girlfriend. And it’s pregirlfriend psychosis that’s the most dangerous—it can squash lovely burgeoning relationships faster than you can say “I see myself in Greenwich with triplets in 12 months.”

There is only one surefire cure for pregirlfriend psychosis: Date multiple men—in a [read more...]

DEBUNKING THE MYTH OF THE DOG AS APHRODISIAC



DEBUNKING THE MYTH OF THE DOG AS APHRODISIAC
TIME OUT NEW YORK
SEPTEMBER 27-OCTOBER 3, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

When I first got my shih tzu, Lilly, I couldn’t walk her without making people gush—so much so that eventually I refused to make eye contact, lest I never reach my destination. And when my ex–fiancé took her out? Mob scene. In his own words, “I could have collected 18 numbers in five minutes.”

All of this led me to the commonly held theory: Dogs = conversation. Conversation = flirtation. Flirtation = dates. Dates = getting laid. Therefore, dogs get you [read more...]

WHAT TEENS CAN TEACH US ABOUT DATING



WHAT TEENS CAN TEACH US ABOUT DATING
TIME OUT NEW YORK
SEPTEMBER 20-26, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

I spent the majority of my teenage years veering wildly between romantic euphoria and despair. And I definitely felt like I would love forever every boy I kissed. Like most girls my age, I was, of course, insane. After all, there’s a reason Romeo and Juliet killed themselves—they were 16! If they had been 36, they’d be like, “Yeah, my family thinks you’re a douchebag so, eh, this is all really too much trouble.”

While I’m generally relieved that I’ll never have to [read more...]

BRAS ARE OPTIONAL FOR FIRST-DATE ATTIRE



BRAS ARE OPTIONAL FOR FIRST-DATE ATTIRE
TIME OUT NEW YORK
SEPTEMBER 13-19, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

Last night, I asked the guy I’ve been seeing if he remembered my outfit from our first date, which was about six weeks ago. “I don’t really know,” he replied. “I remember I could see your legs. And they looked hot.”

Sigh. They say that straight women dress for other women—that is, except when they’re dressing for first dates. In that case, they’re most definitely dressing for men. Seriously, lots of us spend hours considering the options: Is a dress too fancy? Are heels [read more...]

OUR COLUMNIST MAKES A GREATEST-HITS LIST OF THE BEST ALL-TIME DATING BOOKS



OUR COLUMNIST MAKES A GREATEST-HITS LIST OF THE BEST ALL-TIME DATING BOOKS
TIME OUT NEW YORK
SEPTEMBER 6-12, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

There are about 73,082 love guides out there and all are not created equal. In fact, some were created downright dumb (actual advice in one: “Tell him your name.”) Sigh. It’s shit like this that brings the genre down. The following are the best of the best—classics. Read these, commit them to memory, then invite me to your wedding.

Think Like a Guy
by Giuliana DePandi, 2006

The cover’s awful, and yeah, I judge on that. But get beyond [read more...]

WHY ENVY FOR THAT LUCKY-IN-LOVE PAL JUST MIGHT BE A BIOLOGICAL NECESSITY 



WHY ENVY FOR THAT LUCKY-IN-LOVE PAL JUST MIGHT BE A BIOLOGICAL NECESSITY 
TIME OUT NEW YORK
AUGUST 30-SEPTEMBER 5, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON
 

A friend of mine—who happens to be both an Ivy League graduate and an Adriana Lima doppelgänger—recently began seeing an extremely successful, extremely handsome, extremely intelligent man with an extremely large apartment. They have fallen in love. (Extremely, of course.)

Listening to details of their fabulous new life together, I felt a strange and uncomfortable feeling: I was envious.

I’ve always stood firmly in the “envy toward other women’s successful dating lives is insidious” camp. I don’t believe [read more...]

WHEN DISCRIMINATING TASTE EXTENDS TO YOUR OWN RACE



WHEN DISCRIMINATING TASTE EXTENDS TO YOUR OWN RACE
TIME OUT NEW YORK
AUGUST 23-29, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON 

“My mom wants me to have 100 percent Korean grandchildren,” explains Jane, a writer. “But at this rate, it doesn’t seem likely.”

While Jane has dated a few Asians in the past, she prefers tall, lanky hipsters—who are white. “My problem with most of the Korean guys I’ve dated is that they usually want to go out with girls who are just like their mothers. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m no neocon, and I won’t be slaving over your kimchi [read more...]

WHY DATA NERDS MAKE THE BEST DATES



WHY DATA NERDS MAKE THE BEST DATES
TIME OUT NEW YORK
AUGUST 16-22, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON 

I’ve dated all types of guys—lawyers, actors, entrepreneurs—but the best sex I’ve ever had wasn’t with any of them. It was with … wait for it … a computer programmer.

That’s right. A geek!

“It’s not generally realized that geeks are the best catches,” crows the dorky-and-proud dating site Geek 2 Geek. It claims nerds tend to consistently appreciate their mates, don’t get caught up in status and are averse to “bad habits” like, say, cheating. As such, they “have much longer, more stable [read more...]

HOLIDAYING WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER ISN’T ALWAYS A VACATION



HOLIDAYING WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER ISN’T ALWAYS A VACATION
TIME OUT NEW YORK
AUGUST 9-15, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON 

Like most people, I love my vacations—and if you can integrate sex into the mix, so much the better. Theoretically.

Unfortunately, the people you enjoy having sex with and the people you enjoy traveling with aren’t always the same people. Despite what those Sandals ads say, vacationing with someone you’re dating isn’t necessarily a vacation. Whether it’s your girlfriend of three years or the guy from Facebook you poked last week, you can’t predict just how crazy that person will get [read more...]

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: WHEN SWEETHEART GOES STALE, NEW YORKERS GET CREATIVE



TERMS OF ENDEARMENT: WHEN SWEETHEART GOES STALE, NEW YORKERS GET CREATIVE
TIME OUT NEW YORK
JULY 26-31, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON 

I had a roommate in college who shunned the usual terms of endearment—Baby, Sweetie, Pumpkin—and instead affectionately dubbed her boyfriend Pooper. He also called her Pooper. Did I mention they said it in baby voices?

Rachel, 34, a lawyer, explains that she called her ex Schnoogie, a nickname for her dog. “He would be like, ‘I’m not a fucking dog,’ and then laugh.” Jeff, 30, an editor, and his wife, Carina, 30, a doctor, call each other Chicken. “We [read more...]